Books by Kinky Friedman
'Scuse Me While I Whip This Out: Reflections on Country Singers, Presidents, and Other Troublemakers
Kinky Friedman is back with 'Scuse Me While I Whip This Out, and gets it on with all manner of egos. In this collection of twisted takes on life, the Kinkster gives us funny, irreverent, and insightful looks at outsized personalities, from people he's known -- Bill Clinton and George W. to Willie Nelson and Bob Dylan, not to mention Joseph Heller and Don Imus -- to people he's known in spirit -- Moses, Jesus, Jack Ruby, and Hank Williams. With his meditations on subjects ranging from sleeping at the White House to marriage, his pets, fishing in Borneo, country music, cigars, and the tribulations of possessing talent, Kinky doesn't deny us the "flashes of brilliance and laugh-out-loud observations"* that are present in all his other work.
Hilarious and irreverent, and passionately twisted, 'Scuse Me While I Whip This Out reads as if it were written by a slightly ill modern-day Mark Twain.
*Rocky Mountain News (Denver)
Copies
No copies available.
Scuse Me While I Whip This Out: Reflections on Country Singers, Presidents, and Other Troublemakers
Kinky Friedman is back, and with 'Scuse Me While I Whip This Out he gets it on with all manner of egos. In this collection of twisted takes on life, the Kinkster gives us funny, irreverent, and insightful looks at outsized personalities from people he's known, like Bill Clinton, George W., Willie Nelson, and Bob Dylan -- not to mention Joseph Heller and Don Imus -- to people he's known in spirit, such as Moses, Jesus, Jack Ruby, and Hank Williams. With his meditations on subjects ranging from sleeping at the White House, marriage, his pets, fishing in Borneo, country music, and cigars to the tribulations of possessing talent, Kinky doesn't deny us the "flashes of brilliance and laugh-out-loud observations" (Rocky Mountain News) that are present in all his other work.
Hilarious, irreverent, and passionately twisted, 'Scuse Me While I Whip This Out reads as if it were written by a slightly ill modern-day Mark Twain.
Copies
No copies available.
Kinky Friedman's Guide to Texas Etiquette: Or How to Get to Heaven or Hell Without Going Through Dallas-Fort Worth
Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit! Delivering belly laughs, hee-haws, and downright slackjaw amazement, this hilarious guide to the homeland of George W. and Willie Nelson is the essential how-to for surviving in the Lone Star State. From strange Texas laws and the history of Dr. Pepper to "Texas Talk" (in which a "turd floater" is a heavy downpour) and final-meal requests by death row inmates, Kinky Friedman, "the oldest living Jew in Texas who doesn't own any real estate," provides an insider's guide that will be loved by native Texans and the rest of us poor devils alike.
Even if you don't know the difference between an Aggie and an armadillo -- or what's really in the back on Willie Nelson's tour bus -- you can pass for a Texan with the Kinkster's expert coaching. So grab your hairspray and the keys to the Cadillac and get reading!
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Kinky Friedman's Guide to Texas Etiquette: Or How to Get to Heaven or Hell Without Going Through Dallas-Fort Worth
Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit! Kinky Friedman is back and at his outrageous best in this hilarious guide to the Lone Star State. With George W. Bush in the White House, Americans are taking a second look at the state made famous by the Alamo, the armadillo, Willie Nelson, and, well, Kinky Friedman. As the oldest living Jew in Texas who doesn't own any real estate, Kinky considers it his duty to educate Texans and non-Texans alike about the customs and habits of his native state. You'll never look at Texas the same way again after you encounter the real-life characters in Kinky Friedman's Guide to Texas Etiquette -- from hometown heroes and outlaws to rich Texas oilmen and country stars, Kinky provides an insider's view of his state's customs, history, and values.
Kinky Friedman's Guide to Texas Etiquette is composed of provocative essays and profiles, from "Shoshone The Magic Pony" to "Willie Nelson: The Back Of The Bus." Take Kinky's quiz and find out: "Redneck, Good Old Boy, Or Oilman: What Kind Of Texan Are You?" Read this book and you will learn how to spot a Texan abroad, which famous Texans are not from Texas, how Texas got its Lone Star, and the history of Texans' favorite drink, Dr Pepper. Filled with hair-raising quotes from Texas politicians, Ace Reid cartoons, strange Texas laws, and final meal requests by Texas death row inmates, this good-spirited book will be loved by both native Texans and the rest of us poor devils.
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Kill Two Birds & Get Stoned: A Novel
Walter Snow is doomed. He stares at the blank pages in his typewriter, hoping for the spark that will finally ignite his ambition to write the Great Armenian Novel.
And then he meets Clyde Potts. She is beautiful, intelligent, charming, perhaps psychic, and, for better or worse, very possibly unbalanced. With Potts’s joie de vivre and her certified-insane partner in crime, Fox Harris, Snow is caught up in a series of pranks against corporate sprawl that they execute with a bit of booze and some wacky tobaccy from Australia known as Malabimbi Madness.
Things quickly spin out of control as the trio’s ultimate, diuretically inspired prank leads to an unexpected, shocking conclusion, and Walter is left to wonder if the only things you ever keep in this life are the things you let slip through your fingers.
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Roll Me Up and Smoke Me When I Die: Musings from the Road
by Willie Nelson, Kinky Friedman
You won't see no sad and teary eyes when I get my wings, and it's my time to fly
Just call my friends and tell them there's a party, come on by
So just roll me up and smoke me when I die
In Roll Me Up and Smoke Me When I Die, Willie Nelson muses about his greatest influences and celebrates the family, friends, and colleagues who have blesses his remarkable journey. Willie riffs on music, wives, Texas, politics, horses, religion, marijuana, children, the environment, poker, hogs, Nashville, karma, and more. He shares the outlaw wisdom he has acquired over eight decades, along with favorite jokes and insights. Rare family pictures, beautiful artwork created by his son Micah Nelson, and lyrics to classic songs punctuate these charming and poignant memories.
At once a road journal and a fitting tribute to America's greatest traveling bard, Roll Me Up and Smoke Me When I Die—introduced by Kinky Friedman, another favorite son of Texas—is a deeply personal look into the heart and soul of one of the greatest artists of our time.
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The Billy Bob Tapes: A Cave Full of Ghosts
by Kinky Friedman, Billy Bob Thornton
There is—and could only ever be—one Billy Bob Thornton: actor, musician, Academy Award-winning screenwriter, and accidental Hollywood badass. In The Billy Bob Tapes, he leads us into his Cave Full of Ghosts, spinning colorful tales of his modest (to say the least) Southern upbringing, his bizarre phobias (komoda dragons?), his life, his loves (including his marriage to fellow Oscar winner Angelina Jolie), and, of course, his movie career. Best of all, he’s feeding these truly incredible stories and righteous philosophical rants through his close friend, Kinky Friedman—legendary country music star, bestselling author, would-be politician, and all-around bon vivant. Put these two iconoclasts together and you get a star’s story that’s actually an insightful pop culture manifesto—a hybrid offspring of Born Standing Up with Sh*t My Dad Says.
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The Billy Bob Tapes: A Cave Full of Ghosts
by Kinky Friedman, Billy Bob Thornton
There is—and could only ever be—one Billy Bob Thornton: actor, musician, Academy Award-winning screenwriter, and accidental Hollywood badass. In The Billy Bob Tapes, he leads us into his Cave Full of Ghosts, spinning colorful tales of his modest (to say the least) Southern upbringing, his bizarre phobias (komoda dragons?), his life, his loves (including his marriage to fellow Oscar winner Angelina Jolie), and, of course, his movie career. Best of all, he’s feeding these truly incredible stories and righteous philosophical rants through his close friend, Kinky Friedman—legendary country music star, bestselling author, would-be politician, and all-around bon vivant. Put these two iconoclasts together and you get a star’s story that’s actually an insightful pop culture manifesto—a hybrid offspring of Born Standing Up with Sh*t My Dad Says.
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Cowboy Logic: The Wit and Wisdom of Kinky Friedman (and Some of His Friends)
Kinky Friedman is known for many things. He's the irrepressible future Governor of Texas. He is the "oldest Jew in Texas who doesn't own real estate." And he is notorious for his outrageous one-liners. Cowboy Logic is a distillation of the very best. Complimenting Kinky's timeless maxims are illustrations by the brilliant Ace Reid.
Kinky's "Little Red Book" is a compilation of his hilarious, insightful, and raunchy one-liners. Organized into sections including: Cowboy Logic; Things You Would Never Hear a Real Texan Say; Blessings, Curses, & Other Observations on the Condition of Our Condition; All Politics is Yokel; Kinky on Kinky; The Continuing Adventures of God & Man; Treasures & Pleasures; Advice to People Who Are Happier Than I am; The Great State of Texas; Love, Marriage & Other Hopeless Causes; Writing for Fun & Prophet; and Animal Crackers.
Some of Kinky's bon mots include:
There's a fine line between fiction and non-fiction and I believe I snorted it in 1976.
When the horse dies--get off.
Always respect your superiors, if you have any.
Where there's a will, there's a lawyer.
A happy childhood is the worst possible preparation for life.
Trust me. I'm a Jew. I'll hire good people.
Happiness is a moving target.
As the old cowboy philosophy of life sums it up "Hang on tight, spur hard, and let'er buck."
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Cowboy Logic: The Wit and Wisdom of Kinky Friedman (and Some of His Friends)
Cowboy Logic is filled with the bons mots of our favorite Texas legend, "the oldest Jew in Texas who doesn't own real estate." Complementing his ageless (and outrageous) maxims organized thematically are original cartoons and illustrations by the brilliant Ace Reid. For example: *Always respect your superiors, if you have any.*Where there's a will, there's a lawyer.*A happy childhood is the worst possible preparation for life.*Trust me. I'm a Jew. I'll hire good people.*Happiness is a moving target. Kinky is famous for his one-liners, and here are the best of them.
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Texas Hold 'Em: How I Was Born in a Manger, Died in the Saddle, and Came Back as a Horny Toad
"Texas Hold 'Em is more than just a card game. It deals…with that fine, forgotten art of playing a poor hand well…Texas Hold 'Em is a state of mind, a spiritual survival technique, a way of holding on to things that might just be important in this ever-changing world." --from the introduction to Texas Hold 'Em
The irrepressible, future Governor of Texas is back with a crusade to stop the wussification of the Lone Star State. He never thought he'd see the day when he'd miss gun racks in the back windows of pickup trucks, but he almost does. He misses the days when cowboy shirts never had buttons and coffee with a friend was still a dime. Many of the stubborn, dusty, weather-beaten little towns, roads, trucks, jeeps, people and animals are gone now. Like it or not, the peaceful, scenic bucolic Hill Country of his childhood is being dragged kicking and screaming into the 21st Century.
His is at his outrageous best as he gives Americans a look at the state made famous by the Alamo, the armadillo, Willie Nelson, and, well, Kinky Friedman. Texas Hold 'Em is composed of provocative essays, including autobiographical pieces that are at times bittersweet and at other hilarious, profiles of such stellar Texans as his friend, Willie Nelson, as you've never seen him before, George W. Bush, and Racehorse Haynes, and a treasure trove of lists, quizzes , including:
If the Ten Commandments Were Written by a Texan
Tex My ride
Texas Firsts
What Kind of Texas Driver Are you?
As an added diversion, the book is decorated with cartoons by the brilliant John Callahan, particularly appealing to those whose lives are spiraling downward into tailspins of despair.
Texas Hold 'Em is the way in which the Kinkster plays the game of life. To him, Texas Hold' Em means holding on to what is dear to him, to the things that made him who he is, always remembering that the most important things in life aren't things. An old cowboy philosophy of life sums it up -- "hang on tight, spur hard, and let 'er buck."
Copies
No copies available.
Texas Hold 'Em: How I Was Born in a Manger, Died in the Saddle, and Came Back as a Horny Toad
"Texas Hold 'Em is more than just a card game. It deals…with that fine, forgotten art of playing a poor hand well…Texas Hold 'Em is a state of mind, a spiritual survival technique, a way of holding on to things that might just be important in this ever-changing world." --from the introduction to Texas Hold 'Em
The irrepressible, future Governor of Texas is back with a crusade to stop the wussification of the Lone Star State. He never thought he'd see the day when he'd miss gun racks in the back windows of pickup trucks, but he almost does. He misses the days when cowboy shirts never had buttons and coffee with a friend was still a dime. Many of the stubborn, dusty, weather-beaten little towns, roads, trucks, jeeps, people and animals are gone now. Like it or not, the peaceful, scenic bucolic Hill Country of his childhood is being dragged kicking and screaming into the 21st Century.
His is at his outrageous best as he gives Americans a look at the state made famous by the Alamo, the armadillo, Willie Nelson, and, well, Kinky Friedman. Texas Hold 'Em is composed of provocative essays, including autobiographical pieces that are at times bittersweet and at other hilarious, profiles of such stellar Texans as his friend, Willie Nelson, as you've never seen him before, George W. Bush, and Racehorse Haynes, and a treasure trove of lists, quizzes , including:
If the Ten Commandments Were Written by a Texan
Tex My ride
Texas Firsts
What Kind of Texas Driver Are you?
As an added diversion, the book is decorated with cartoons by the brilliant John Callahan, particularly appealing to those whose lives are spiraling downward into tailspins of despair.
Texas Hold 'Em is the way in which the Kinkster plays the game of life. To him, Texas Hold' Em means holding on to what is dear to him, to the things that made him who he is, always remembering that the most important things in life aren't things. An old cowboy philosophy of life sums it up -- "hang on tight, spur hard, and let 'er buck."
Copies
No copies available.
What Would Kinky Do?: How to Unscrew a Screwed-Up World
Kinky Friedman, who would be our contemporary Will Rogers if Will Rogers had been Jewish, smoked cigars, and foolish enough to believe he could govern the great state of Texas, returns with this collection of hilariously raunchy, sometimes poignant, and always insightful essays. With fearless wit and wisdom born from many a late night’s experience, Kinky offers both pearls and cowpats that touch on life, death, and everything in between.
Considering the current predicament of our nation and the world at large, the question is, “What would Kinky do?” His answers invoke Willie Nelson, Bob Dylan, Judy Garland, George Bush, and other cultural touchstones; reflect on Texas etiquette, smoking in bars, mullet haircuts, immigration policy, and how Don Imus died for our sins; and advise on how to handle a nonstop talker on a long flight, how to deliver the perfect air kiss, and what to do when a redneck hollers “Hey y’all, watch this!”
Whether he’s “the new Mark Twain” (Southern Living), “in a class with Oscar Wilde, Mark Twain, Will Rogers, and, yes, Henny Youngman” (The New York Post), “a Texas legend” (President George W. Bush), or “the Mother Teresa of literature” (Willie Nelson), Kinky Friedman is an outrageously funny and uncommonly smart observer of our common predicament: life and what to do about it.
A little friendly advice from “Texas for Dummies”
*Get you some brontosaurus-foreskin boots and a big ol’ cowboy hat. Always remember, only two kinds of people can get away with wearing their hats indoors: cowboys and Jews. Try to be one of them.
*Get your hair fixed right. If you’re male, cut it into a “mullet” (short on the sides and top, long in the back---think Billy Ray Cyrus). If you’re female, make it as big as possible, with lots of teasing and hair spray. If you can hide a buck knife in there, you’re ready.
*Buy you a big ol’ pickup truck or a Cadillac. I myself drive a Yom Kippur Clipper. That’s a Jewish Cadillac---stops on a dime and picks it up.
*Don’t be surprised to find small plastic bags of giant dill pickles in local convenience stores.
*Everything goes better with picante sauce. No exceptions.
*Don’t tell us how you did it up there. Nobody cares.
Copies
No copies available.
What Would Kinky Do?: How to Unscrew a Screwed-Up World
Kinky Friedman, who would be our contemporary Will Rogers if Will Rogers had been Jewish, smoked cigars, and foolish enough to believe he could govern the great state of Texas, returns with this collection of hilariously raunchy, sometimes poignant, and always insightful essays. With fearless wit and wisdom born from many a late night's experience, Kinky offers both pearls and cowpats that touch on life, death, and everything in between.
Considering the current predicament of our nation and the world at large, the question is, "What would Kinky do?" His answers invoke Willie Nelson, Bob Dylan, Judy Garland, George Bush, and other cultural touchstones; reflect on Texas etiquette, smoking in bars, mullet haircuts, immigration policy, and how Don Imus died for our sins; and advise on how to handle a nonstop talker on a long flight, how to deliver the perfect air kiss, and what to do when a redneck hollers "Hey y'all, watch this!"
Whether he's "the new Mark Twain" (Southern Living), "in a class with Oscar Wilde, Mark Twain, Will Rogers, and, yes, Henny Youngman" (The New York Post), "a Texas legend" (President George W. Bush), or "the Mother Teresa of literature" (Willie Nelson), Kinky Friedman is an outrageously funny and uncommonly smart observer of our common predicament: life and what to do about it.
A little friendly advice from "Texas for Dummies"
*Get you some brontosaurus-foreskin boots and a big ol' cowboy hat. Always remember, only two kinds of people can get away with wearing their hats indoors: cowboys and Jews. Try to be one of them.
*Get your hair fixed right. If you're male, cut it into a "mullet" (short on the sides and top, long in the back---think Billy Ray Cyrus). If you're female, make it as big as possible, with lots of teasing and hair spray. If you can hide a buck knife in there, you're ready.
*Buy you a big ol' pickup truck or a Cadillac. I myself drive a Yom Kippur Clipper. That's a Jewish Cadillac---stops on a dime and picks it up.
*Don't be surprised to find small plastic bags of giant dill pickles in local convenience stores.
*Everything goes better with picante sauce. No exceptions.
*Don't tell us how you did it up there. Nobody cares.
Copies
No copies available.
The Love Song of J. Edgar Hoover, A Novel
"DEAR KINKY: I HAVE NOW READ ALL YOUR BOOKS. MORE PLEASE. I REALLY NEED THE LAUGHS."
--Bill Clinton
A beautiful woman, a missing husband, and a private eye with eyes for his comely client. It's the classic hardboiled-mystery setup. But in the grip of Kinky Friedman, expect one of the wildest, wackiest, and weirdest rides of your life!
"A novel to be read for the sheer joy of it."
--The Baltimore Sun
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Roadkill
Who would slap an Indian curse on a good ol' boy like country singer Willie Nelson? Probably the same person who's been firing shots into Willie's hotel room and sending nasty notes promising the cowboy crooner a one-way ticket to the big rodeo in the sky. Could it have something to do with the medicine man who got run over by Willie's tour bus one dark night? If anyone can find out, it's ace troubleshooter and well-known troublemaker Kinky Friedman--on the road again in his tenth wickedly funny, off-the-wall mystery caper.
Get Kinky on the Web: www.kinkyfriedman.com
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Elvis, Jesus and Coca-Cola: A Novel (Kinky Friedman Novels (Paperback))
Kinky Friedman is a Jewish Texan country-and-western singer tunred Greenwich Village amateur detective, with a collection of smelly cigars, a cat, and two former—but simultaneous—girlfriends named Judy. Shortly after the possibly suspicious death of one of his closest friends, Kinky finds himself short one Judy, as Uptown Judy vanishes under mysterious circumstances. Before long, the death and the disappearance seem to be connected, along with Elvis impersonators, a missing documentary film, and a five-year-old mob murder. It’ll take the Kinkster, with an assist from the Village Irregulars and Downtown Judy, to wrap this case like a New York Tex-Mex, decidedly nonkosher burrito.
“Kinky is a hip hybrid of Groucho Marx and Sam Spade.”—Chicago Tribune
Copies
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God Bless John Wayne: A Novel (Kinky Friedman Novels (Paperback))
“Kinky Friedman is to the detective novel what Frank Zappa is to rock and roll: a gleeful gadfly who delights in offending purists. . . . There's just no stopping him. And who wants to?”—People
Since Sam Spade, no private investigator has been charmed to see a deadbeat client darken his door—and country singers turned amateur detectives are no exception. That goes double for deadbeats who are their friends. So when Ratso—longtime pal, assistant crime solver, and notorious nonpayer—comes to Kinky with a case of his own, the Kinkster is reluctant to take it on. But if there's one thing a country singer relates to, it's mamas, and it's his long-lost birth mother that adoptee Ratso is seeking. The case turns sour in a hurry, and soon it gets hard to tell the murder victims from the suspects. One thing's for certain: Kinky would rather have a deadbeat for a client than be a dead dick.
Praise for God Bless John Wayne
“Brash, crass and colorful.”—Houston Chronicle
“How is this mystery writer different from all other mystery writers? . . . We don't read him, for instance, to find out what happens next. We read him to find out how far he will go.”—The Washington Post Book World
“God Bless John Wayne is another triumph for the Kinkster—the perfect mix of mystery, literature and wit.”—The Associated Press
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Armadillos & Old Lace
“If Kinky Friedman does to literature what he has done to music, this nation is in serious trouble.”—Dave Barry, humorist, author, and Pulitzer Prize winner
Kinky Friedman is living proof that you can be a Texan, a New Yorker, a Jewish country-and-western singer, and an amateur detective all at the same time. But when New York City gets a little too full of murder and mayhem to suit him, Kinky heads for the fresh air of the Lone Star State—filtered, of course, through his ever-present cigar. But something is rotten in the state of Texas, too, and Kerrville's justice of the peace asks the Kinkster for his help. Four old ladies have died in the past few months, and though there's no apparent link, Judge Pat Knox is sure there's a connection. Before this case ends, Kinky will meet up with a rose-growing survivalist, a swarm of angry bees, a swarm of eight-year-old buckaroos at his father's ranch and summer camp, and, if he's not careful, he may just meet up with his own ultimate end.
“Armadillos & Old Lace is a real beauty mark of sinful excess; I loved it. The only thing I don't like about Mr. Friedman is that he ain't the governor of Texas. Yet.”—James Crumley, author of The Last Good Kiss
“Kinky Friedman is a true American original, something it's not easy to be in today's carbon-copy culture.”—Steve Allen, comedian and author
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The Mile High Club (Kinky Friedman Novels (Paperback))
“There is only one Kinky Friedman.” —St. Petersburg Times
Raunchy, offbeat, and hilarious, The Mile High Club, complete with a surprise ending, is Kinky at his considerable best.
It all starts with a casual flirtation, two people on a flight from Dallas to New York. She’s gorgeous and mysterious; he’s a private detective. When the plane lands, the detective—our hero, Kinky—finds he’s been left holding the bag, literally. The woman, having asked the Kinkster to watch her luggage while she visits the can, has taken a powder and somehow vanished. Mystery Woman does turn up again, but not before Kinky has claimed the interest of an array of suits from the State Department, been party to a thwarted kidnap attempt by Arab terrorists, and found a dead Israeli agent parked on the toilet of his downtown Manhattan loft.
Employing the able-bodied assistance of his usual sidekicks, the Village Irregulars, Kinky eventually gets to the bottom of all the comings and goings of the many visitors to his loft, including two late-night visits by the mysterious and suddenly affectionate woman from the plane and one not-so-late-night visit by her angry brother.
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Steppin' on a Rainbow
When his friend mysteriously vanishes while in Hawaii, Kinky Friedman, accompanied by Stephanie DuPont and V. I. Rambam, journey to Hawaii and embark on a dangerous adventure filled with ancient myths, sacrificial cults, totems, and taboos. Reprint.
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Meanwhile Back at the Ranch : A Novel
It's a case of missing kid and missing kitty when Kinky Friedman, private dick extraordinaire and animal lover nonpareil, attempts to find a young, autistic New York boy and a three-legged Texas cat named Lucky, both of whom have disappeared. Something is rotten in both the states of New York and Texas, and Kinky takes it upon himself to locate not one, but two of God's creatures who have gone astray. Dylan Weinberg is an eleven-year-old boy with a rare form of autism -- a pint-sized stock-market wizard who can only utter one word, "Shnay." He's on a multitude of medications, and one night his father wakes up to find Dylan perched over his bed like some preteen zombie, clutching a pair of scissors and cutting up the sheets. Since that evening, two weeks ago, Dylan has been missing, and the cops have no leads -- and apparently not much interest. That's why, in an absolute last-resort maneuver, the family has called in Kinky to the rescue. And speaking of rescue, Kinky's second missing person -- make that missing pussy -- case comes courtesy of his Cousin Nancy (no relationship), who, along with Kinky, helped found the Utopia Animal Rescue Ranch in Utopia, Texas. Lucky, the three-legged cat -- and unofficial mascot of the ranch -- is gone, the victim of an apparent kittynapping. Cousin Nancy is convinced the feline is either in the hands of some nasty, contentious neighbors or is being sacrificed by a satanic cult. No matter what, she wants Kinky to find Lucky before he becomes coyote chow. It's an uneven dilemma for Kinky -- stay in town and concentrate on finding a sick, missing child (and concentrate, too, on Julia, said child's beautiful, long-legged sister), or hotfoot off to Texas, to help calm down the frantic Cousin Nancy who's this close to proclaiming Lucky's been abducted by aliens. Kinky puts his trust in his faithful companion, Village Irregular Steve Rambam, to help find the little boy while Kinky hightails it to Utopia, Texas, where Nancy provides him with two witnesses to the alleged crime -- a dim-sighted eighty-year-old lady named Josephine and a frisky canine named Mr. Magoo. Back in New York, Rambam has no clue where Dylan might be, but he is becoming increasingly sure that Julia is the Jewish answer to his romantic prayers. Kinky warns him to put the wedding plans on hold and track down Hattie Mamajello, Dylan's former nanny, but it's too little too late when Hattie is pushed off a subway platform and killed. The confusion generated by these two disparate cases is enough to drive a dick to drink -- which Kinky is happy to do -- but he's still got a missing kid and a missing kitty on his cigar-stained hands to locate before (a) Rambam whisks Julia off to Vegas for a quickie wedding and (b) Cousin Nancy calls in the FBI, the CIA, and the Mossad to find her Lucky. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, aided and abetted by a few four-legged friends, the mystery of the purloined kitty continues to grow. Then it's back to the wilds of midtown Manhattan and the even wilder wilds of Sche-nectady, New York, where, in their search for the missing boy, Kinky and his two-legged cohort find themselves at an orphanage Dickens would be proud of. True to Kinky's form, and informed with truth, Meanwhile Back at the Ranch is a wild and woolly (and furry) ride from a true original, and entertainment at its most outrageous.
Copies
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The Prisoner of Vandam Street: A Novel
Alfred Hitchcock's classic film Rear Window gets an affectionate kick in the butt in this homage from master crime writer, philosopher, and equal-opportunity offender Kinky Friedman.
It's a case of malaria versus murder when private dick extraordinaire Kinky Friedman comes down with a tropical disease, in the jungle known as New York City, and is confined to his loft on Vandam Street in lower Manhattan, a prisoner in his own home with only his cat and black puppet head as company (neither of whom are great conversationalists).
With little to do but stare out the window in between bedridden bouts of fever and hallucinations, Kinky calls on assistance from the stalwart Village Irregulars, who proceed to dish out their own uniquely skewed brand of tea and sympathy, turning the loft into a virtual Mardi Gras of confusion and drunken debauchery.
Suffering almost as much from company overload as from his fever, Kinky welcomes a rare moment of calm as he finds himself once again alone in his loft. Resuming his position at the kitchen window, he spots a pretty young woman in an apartment across the street. What he hopes might be titillating turns terrifying, however, as a man joins the woman and proceeds to attack her. Sure that he's witnessed a crime, Kinky calls in the cops, but, upon investigating his claim, they can find neither a victim nor an apartment across the street. In addition, no one else saw or heard anything that would ndicate a crime had taken place. Was it foul play or merely a fevered dream?
Convinced that their friend is about to slip off into the land of eternal slumber, the Village Irregulars increase their vigilance and in the process raise the Kinkster's irritability level to an all-time high. Not to be deterred, however, Kinky sticks to his story and is rewarded when a few days later he sees the man in the apartment again, but this time with a gun.
Outrageous, audacious, and ingeniously crafted, The Prisoner of Vandam Street is vintage Kinky: irreverent, clever, and full of the hardened philosophy and mordant wit that has earned him a vast and devoted readership. But what more would you expect from the writer The New York Times has called "The world's funniest, bawdiest, and most politically incorrect country music singer turned mystery writer"?
Copies
No copies available.
The Prisoner of Vandam Street: A Novel
Alfred Hitchcock's classic film Rear Window gets an affectionate kick in the butt in this homage from master crime writer, philosopher, and equal-opportunity offender Kinky Friedman.
It's a case of malaria versus murder when private dick extraordinaire Kinky Friedman comes down with a tropical disease, in the jungle known as New York City, and is confined to his loft on Vandam Street in lower Manhattan, a prisoner in his own home with only his cat and black puppet head as company (neither of whom are great conversationalists).
With little to do but stare out the window in between bedridden bouts of fever and hallucinations, Kinky calls on assistance from the stalwart Village Irregulars, who proceed to dish out their own uniquely skewed brand of tea and sympathy, turning the loft into a virtual Mardi Gras of confusion and drunken debauchery.
Suffering almost as much from company overload as from his fever, Kinky welcomes a rare moment of calm as he finds himself once again alone in his loft. Resuming his position at the kitchen window, he spots a pretty young woman in an apartment across the street. What he hopes might be titillating turns terrifying, however, as a man joins the woman and proceeds to attack her. Sure that he's witnessed a crime, Kinky calls in the cops, but, upon investigating his claim, they can find neither a victim nor an apartment across the street. In addition, no one else saw or heard anything that would ndicate a crime had taken place. Was it foul play or merely a fevered dream?
Convinced that their friend is about to slip off into the land of eternal slumber, the Village Irregulars increase their vigilance and in the process raise the Kinkster's irritability level to an all-time high. Not to be deterred, however, Kinky sticks to his story and is rewarded when a few days later he sees the man in the apartment again, but this time with a gun.
Outrageous, audacious, and ingeniously crafted, The Prisoner of Vandam Street is vintage Kinky: irreverent, clever, and full of the hardened philosophy and mordant wit that has earned him a vast and devoted readership. But what more would you expect from the writer The New York Times has called "The world's funniest, bawdiest, and most politically incorrect country music singer turned mystery writer"?
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You Can Lead a Politician to Water, But You Can't Make Him Think: Ten Commandments for Texas Politics
And Kinky Said Unto the People: Why the Hell Not?
So the good people of Texas weren't able to get the Kinkster into the Governor's Mansion in 2006. It was a solid race, and he fought the good fight. Getting on the ballot as an independent -- a feat that had not been achieved in over a century -- was a victory in itself. And with ideas like "slots for tots" (legalized gambling to pay for education), the five Mexican generals plan (bribes to enforce border protection), and a firm stand against the "wussification" of the state, he would have done a helluva job.
If that 2006 election was any indication -- and it was -- the political landscape in both Texas and the country at large needs a significant overhaul. The hucksters, the wealthy, and the twofaced rule; there is no room for Truth, and the little guys are quickly forgotten in all the muck. But Kinky, (briefly) down yet certainly not out, is still looking out for his fellow Americans, and he has much wisdom to impart.
In this hilarious, thought-provoking manifesto, Kinky lays forth his ten commandments for improving the state of Texas and politics everywhere, and for restoring order, logic, decency, and above all a sense of humor back to this country. It's classic Kinky in a brand new way. And he might just have a point.
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Meanwhile Back at the Ranch: A Novel
It's a case of missing kid and missing kitty when Kinky Friedman, private dick extraordinaire and animal lover nonpareil, attempts to find a young, autistic New York boy and a three-legged Texas cat named Lucky, both of whom have disappeared.
Something is rotten in both the states of New York and Texas, and Kinky takes it upon himself to locate not one, but two of God's creatures who have gone astray. Dylan Weinberg is an eleven-year-old boy with a rare form of autism -- a pint-sized stock-market wizard who can only utter one word, "Shnay." He's on a multitude of medications, and one night his father wakes up to find Dylan perched over his bed like some preteen zombie, clutching a pair of scissors and cutting up the sheets. Since that evening, two weeks ago, Dylan has been missing, and the cops have no leads -- and apparently not much interest. That's why, in an absolute last-resort maneuver, the family has called in Kinky to the rescue.
And speaking of rescue, Kinky's second missing person -- make that missing pussy -- case comes courtesy of his Cousin Nancy (no relationship), who, along with Kinky, helped found the Utopia Animal Rescue Ranch in Utopia, Texas. Lucky, the three-legged cat -- and unofficial mascot of the ranch -- is gone, the victim of an apparent kittynapping. Cousin Nancy is convinced the feline is either in the hands of some nasty, contentious neighbors or is being sacrificed by a satanic cult. No matter what, she wants Kinky to find Lucky before he becomes coyote chow.
It's an uneven dilemma for Kinky -- stay in town and concentrate on finding a sick, missing child (and concentrate, too, on Julia, said child's beautiful, long-legged sister), or hotfoot off to Texas, to help calm down the frantic Cousin Nancy who's this close to proclaiming Lucky's been abducted by aliens. Kinky puts his trust in his faithful companion, Village Irregular Steve Rambam, to help find the little boy while Kinky hightails it to Utopia, Texas, where Nancy provides him with two witnesses to the alleged crime -- a dim-sighted eighty-year-old lady named Josephine and a frisky canine named Mr. Magoo.
Back in New York, Rambam has no clue where Dylan might be, but he is becoming increasingly sure that Julia is the Jewish answer to his romantic prayers. Kinky warns him to put the wedding plans on hold and track down Hattie Mamajello, Dylan's former nanny, but it's too little too late when Hattie is pushed off a subway platform and killed. The confusion generated by these two disparate cases is enough to drive a dick to drink -- which Kinky is happy to do -- but he's still got a missing kid and a missing kitty on his cigar-stained hands to locate before (a) Rambam whisks Julia off to Vegas for a quickie wedding and (b) Cousin Nancy calls in the FBI, the CIA, and the Mossad to find her Lucky.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, aided and abetted by a few four-legged friends, the mystery of the purloined kitty continues to grow. Then it's back to the wilds of midtown Manhattan and the even wilder wilds of Sche-nectady, New York, where, in their search for the missing boy, Kinky and his two-legged cohort find themselves at an orphanage Dickens would be proud of.
True to Kinky's form, and informed with truth, Meanwhile Back at the Ranch is a wild and woolly (and furry) ride from a true original, and entertainment at its most outrageous.
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Ten Little New Yorkers: A Novel
Kinky Friedman has always proven himself to be a master of the offbeat and irreverent, and still manages to pull off a helluva whodunit in the process. Now the Kinkster may have met his match in this superbly crafted, fiendishly clever tale of a murderer who's methodically killing off unsuspecting Manhattan men. Gallingly, all clues point toward Kinky.
Greenwich Village is the setting for Ten Little New Yorkers, a tale of murder and mayhem as only Friedman can warble it and featuring his usual suspects, including Ratso -- Dr. Watson to Kinky's singular Sherlock Holmes. As the clues and bodies pile up and the cops strong-arm Kinky as their man, he has to jump through hoops to find the real killer, all the while maintaining his outrage and, of course, his innocence. The murderer may be someone close to Kinky, which leads to a shocker of an ending that will surely take Kinky devotees completely by surprise.
With a wink and a nod to Dame Agatha (as in Christie), after which all resemblance to those classic mysteries fades, this is one of Friedman's most complex and irresistible page-turners yet. Cunningly tentous issues of life, death, guilt, innocence, love, loss, and the danger of false confessions, this is Kinky Friedman at his wily, suspenseful, and sacrilegious best.
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The Christmas Pig: A Fable
It's a Christmas tale only a man called Kinky could tell.
King Jonjo Mayo the First is in a bind. Every Christmas, he commissions an artist to paint a traditional nativity scene to be dramatically revealed after midnight mass. This year, though, the date is mere weeks away, and he still has not yet found his painter. The king decides to take a chance on a peculiar, mute boy whose artistic genius and clairvoyance are rumored throughout the kingdom. He sends three valiant, if begrudging, knights to seek out the boy in the remote countryside. Finally, they find Benjamin -- and he is, indeed, peculiar. Nobody knows if the child is up to the task, but the king's Christmas tradition -- and Benjamin himself -- might just be saved by a Christmas miracle that comes in the form of a very special pig -- who is rather peculiar herself.
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Kinky's Celebrity Pet Files
Kinky Friedman is not only a man of the people, he's a man of the animal kingdom.
Kinky is a man who wears many hats -- not just a Stetson. Aside from being a politico, folksinger, and mystery author, he's also a longtime animal advocate and feels as passionately about his pets as he does about legislative reform. But rather than simply write about his own experiences, why shouldn't he include a few friends? Of course, Kinky's address book is unique, and he's taken full advantage. In his new collection, Kinky's Celebrity Pet Files, the Kinkster writes about his famous friends and their pets you've never met, each with a story as delightful and offbeat as the author himself.
Kinky has gathered together an eclectic and extraordinary group of talented celebrity pals to talk about the subject nearest and dearest to their hearts: their pets. With candid, personal photos of the stars and their beloved animals and insider stories to match, the book is like a party only Kinky could throw, and the results are both entertaining and endearing. It's not your average celebrity pet book, because Kinky's not your average celebrity. He's got musicians, like Johnny Cash and his pig, Brian Wilson with his dog, and Willie Nelson doing his best horse whisperer impersonation; actors and comedians ranging from Phyllis Diller with Miss Kitty to Richard Pryor on a pygmy pony; and a lineup of writers, politicians, and some heroes of the past -- Bill Clinton, Joseph Heller, and Mark Twain, to name a few.
Hilarious, oddball, heartwarming, and edgy all at once, Kinky's Celebrity Pet Files is a book for animal lovers, celebrity junkies, and anyone who just likes a good story. It's a little weird, it's completely charming, and it's 100 percent Kinky.
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